So often we find ourselves agreeing to go on dates with people who aren’t really our type, justifying it to ourselves with “you never know”, and “I shouldn’t be too picky”. If this is you, listen up. It’s time to rethink your dating patterns and start to get clear about your “must-haves” and “can’t-stands” when dating. The “non-negotiables”, if you like.
This doesn’t mean “must make 6 figures” or “loves giving back massages”, it means bringing focus to your dating life by assessing what you truly value in a person. Because, why compromise? Adjusting your lifestyle, personality and values to meet someone else’s ideal only turns you into someone you’re not, which never ends well.
So, dig deep and get clear on what you’re looking for. Your list of non-negotiables might look a little like this: secure in themselves, supportive, reliable, ambitious, great sense of humour.
No one is perfect, but your non-negotiables are the values that are so darn important to you in someone who will potentially have your babies. They are totally unique to you and identifying them is a sure-fire way of finding someone you’ll want to Netflix & Chill with forever.
If you can nail your non-negotiables, everything else is attractive but inessential. The fact that they look great in a baseball cap, resemble a Greek god, or have glistening golden locks just becomes the icing on the cake.
Maybe over your next cuppa, take some time to get clear about what you really want. This doesn’t mean turning down every single person who comes your way. It means focusing your dating life and stopping making allowances for behaviour that just doesn’t sit right - it will only leave you unhappy and unsatisfied.
Know who you are. Know what you want. Be picky and don’t settle. Ever.